(edited) My psalm

An old-suitor-turned-best-friend didn't pick up my call today, because (as it turns out) he was out on a date with someone else. [Edit: He says that he didn't pick up because he was in an art gallery...] Just surprised at the gamut of feelings that ran through me, especially given that I was the one who wanted to remain just friends in the first instance. Would I have done the same thing in his shoes? I don't know, but it hurt a little, and I felt very un-grownup about it indeed. Grownups know how to be mature about such things, how to let go, how to trust God; they are rational and self-controlled, and their emotions don't go haywire for no apparent reason like so. I guess, as a woman, you always want to know that you are a priority in somebody else's life, and when that is taken away from you, a lot of old feelings are dredged up. Unlike a blog, the past can't be erased - suck it up, or let it suck you up. So you decide, c'est la vie, remember what's important, move on. At this point, you have a choice: either you seek validation in someone/something else, or you go to God. Of course, being a good Christian girl, you go to God, but there's always a little place at the back of your heart where you still wish, just wish, that there was someone. You could have everything going for you and all the friends in the world, and yet it's still there, that space in your heart, reserved for God's best. You cry because you're afraid. And then you reach a point when there is nothing else to do but offer that up to God as well, because you fear Him more.

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." ~ Hebrews 11:6