Amazing Grace

Matthew 18:21-35

2005-6 has been the worst year of my life, and also the year that I have known immense grace.

I struggle hugely with the constant reminder each week of why I hurt - just as the healing has begun, the wound opens afresh. I don't know why, seeing that it is all in the past for me now. I guess one can move on, but the pain never goes away; it only perhaps ever diminishes. If only he had said he was sorry, even once.

But each time I feel myself plunging into a frightening darkness that I have never known before, God covers me with His peace that transcends all understanding. It is truly amazing and incomprehensible, and therefore only possible because of grace.

I have known immense grace from friends as well, some of whom I never thought were particularly close, but who have brought into this valley of darkness compassion, wisdom and Light. For them I am truly grateful.

My deepest prayer right now is that I may show the same immense grace to others, especially to the one person who has hurt me so deeply. I desire that very much, because of love. God has led me through faith and surrender; now I find myself at the point of grace. It must be a good place to be, if it is so beautiful to behold from afar. Philip Yancey expresses an unseen truth when he says that all of us are looking for grace, and our imaginations are gripped by even the rumour of it. I know what he means. Sometimes, I can trace a sense of the joy in forgiveness, but only a ghost of it, and it disappears so quickly. But that short glimpse makes me yearn for more of it.

In fact, if the truth be known, I forgave a long time ago.

God Himself forgives me everyday because of this undeserved mercy called grace. Hence I believe it is possible as between men too. Forgiveness is an act of faith. It needs no apology, no reparation, no reason but Christ on the Cross, and carries with it an absolute trust that God is sovereign and just. Writing this, it suddenly occurs to me as well that every tear marks an event of God's amazing grace - the reawakening of a deep yearning for all things true, all things noble, all things right, all things pure, all things lovely, and all things admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. That, surely, is something to give thanks for.