Late nights, early days. Night has turned into day, and day into night. Am tired. Just back from the office. It's four minutes to midnight. Think tired mind is not thinking straight and being irrationally sensitive. Not good. Going to shower and pray. Later alligators.

Procrastination

Raspberry & custard danish, Caramel macchiato grande

Philipp and I were talking in the office, and I was like let's go coffee. No, I need to finish the editing for my publication deadline. OK, I haven't done any work today anyway, so better not. Twenty minutes later, and we're still talking. This is silly. You know what? What?

So, that's how we found ourselves at Starbucks, and the danish looked so cute I couldn't resist.

Did I mention? I haven't done any work today, and the Dublin conference is NEXT TUESDAY! gah.

Weekend Away at Eton-Dorney

It was good to get away into the country for a weekend, and to meet the the rest of the India (and the Kenya) team.

In addition to living water, there was also a copious flow of tea and laughter from the kitchen.

We got to know each other better as a team

: India team crossing the "river".

Getting entangled crossing the "river".

There were also quiet moments to be alone with God.

We really spent most of the weekend indoors, planning and training for our mission.

And here we are

: Crazy group shot, India team.

Recipe: Traditional English Trifle

Summer must really be here now. Several people have been asking me for a good "foolproof but I want to make it from scratch" recipe for this English favourite, so here it is. The trickiest bit is making the custard, and it takes practice - that's my qualification to the "foolproof" bit. Also, I'm usually too lazy to bake the sponge (not to mention my last few cakes have been rubbish), and will always buy a jam roly-poly from the supermarket for this recipe instead - that's my qualification to the "made from scratch" bit.

So, now that the legal bits have been dealt with, we can start.

Traditional English Trifle

A clear bowl e.g. glass.

A- Sponge
1 Jam roly-poly (I like raspberry flavour)
3 tbsp sherry or Marsala (I've also used rum and cherry liqueur before)

B - Fruit
1 punnet or 300g raspberries (I've also used rhubarb, bananas and strawberries before)
OR 2 cans mixed fruit cocktail

C - Jelly
1 packet jelly mix (powder or gel)

D - Custard
300ml double cream
300ml full fat milk
75g sugar
8 egg yolks
vanilla essence

E - Cream
475ml whipping cream
OR Use aerosol canned whipped cream
Almond flakes, toasted
OR grated peel of one orange

~ * ~
1. Slice the jam roly-poly into 2cm slices. Line the bottom of the bowl so that the swirls in the middle are visible from the outside of the bowl. Sprinkle with liqueur and leave for 20 minutes.

2. Scatter the fruit on top of (1), making sure that some fruit is again visible from the outside of the bowl. The idea is to assemble the trifle such that each part forms a layer that can be seen through the clear bowl - a trifling but aesthetic detail!

3. Prepare the jelly according to the instructions on the packet. Pour over (2) and leave in fridge to set for recommended time.

4. To make the custard, beat the egg yolks and sugar together. Heat the cream and milk in a pot until it is almost boiling (but NOT boiling!). Lower to a small fire (or lowest heat setting). Add the eggy mixture into the creamy mixture bit by bit, stirring gently. Add a few drops of vanilla essence. Stir constantly until the yellowy mixture starts to pull away from the side of the pot (approx. 20 minutes). Turn off fire and let the custard to cool to room temperature. Leave in fridge overnight (or until it sets - approx. 6 hours).

TIP:
The idea is that the sweetened egg yolk "binds" the cream as it cooks - that is what custard is basically. This is a slow and gentle process, requiring patience. What you don't want is scrambled eggs - the egg is supposed to cook but not be cooked. Hence, it is imperative to keep the heat at its lowest. Do not hurry the process. Also, if the mixture threatens to boil or bubble, remove from the stove immediately and let it cool down before returning it to the stove. If little pockmark lumps start to form, you've overcooked the custard, but it can still be used if you switch off the fire and cool it immediately (I've cheated before).

5. Just before serving, whip the cream until stiff and spread on top of (4). Decorate with almond flakes or orange peel. I like orange because it adds a bit of zest to what is a very sweet pudding. I've also used dessicated coconut before, which men seem to like...

Ta-da! A traditional English trifle for those hot lazy summery weekend afternoons!

review: Sardo

www.sardo-restaurant.com

Fitzrovia is dominated by Charlotte Street - London's foodie avenue - and, further afield, a speckle of little cafes hide in this leafy city oasis. Walking (or cabbing, as the case might be) along one of the quiet bits on Saturday evening, the only life evident is the bright blinking neon sign of the 24hour off licence; even the ugly mess of roadworks is quiet. And then there is Sardo.

Don't be deceived by its white tablecloth sereneness - this place is shot through with Italian energy of a very low and gossamer kind. I always find it exotic to have food that is best described as passionate in a tranquil setting - it reminds me of home, or tackling fiery hot chilli crab by the beach in Koh Samui, or listening to Mozart's Requiem in a candlelit church (which was where we had just come from).

I had been looking forward to my Linguine al granchio the entire evening (although I enjoyed the concert too...)! Described on the menu as "a Sardo favourite with a sauce made of fresh crab meat, extra virgin olive oil, parsley and fresh chillies". Some people might find it too salty, but I thought it was just perfect. It's the kinda thing that you want a kick out of, not that taste-the-natural-sweetness-of-the-crab lark that would be approriate elsewhere. One of the company had also suggested the Calamari ripieni ("grilled baby squid filled with a mixture of calamari meat and aromatic herbs") to share, which he didn't like, but which I was quite happy to polish off. I was naughty and kept feeding my fetish for squeezing things (toothpaste tubes and other unmentionables at the dinner table) by poking the perfectly formed squid with my fork so that the yummy peppery filling would ooze out. Oh well, I was with laid back (but nonetheless polite) company anyway - the best kind (one Australian, two Americans, no Brits... hee, just kidding).

Verdict: Starters and mains were great and colourful in flavour - heartiness in just the right amount! Be careful with the robust wines - something lighter (and less peppery) might have been more soothing, I think. Desserts were disappointing. Will definitely come back.

Recipe: Yam "Mooli"

It sounds like I've been cooking a lot, but I haven't really. Early days, nights late, my bed is but a brief encounter. But that makes weekends ever more so precious and looked forward to. Weekend cooking is therapeutic, and the summer nascence predicts bbqs, Sunday lunches out in the garden and picnics galore.

Yam "Mooli" is a dish that transcends the seasons, however. This starchy savoury cake warms in winter, and in summer, the snowflakes finely diced of dried shrimp, chinese mushrooms and chinese sausages delight. In dim sum restaurants, what is served is usually white radish mooli, which can be substituted for yam in this recipe (if radish is used, 1,000ml water is required). But I prefer the more robust texture of yam "mooli", although I adore dim sum in general.

(Aside: Which is your favourite dim sum joint in London?)

This recipe is adapted from Gracie Hsieh.

Yam "Mooli"
(pics to come)

800g chinese yam, peeled and cut into small cubes

B - Ingredients
3 chinese sausages (lap cheong), finely diced
100g dried shrimp (hae bee), soaked for at least 1 hour and coarsely chopped
10 chinese mushrooms (dong gu), soaked for at least 1 hour and finely diced

C - Cake
300g rice flour
1250ml water
2tsp salt
1tbsp sugar
1/4 tsp sesame oil
1/4 tsp pepper

~ * ~
1. Heat 3 tbsp oil and fry half of yam till cooked. Set aside.

2. Steam the remaining yam for 45 minutes. Mash and set aside.

3. Heat 2 tbsp oil and fry B together until fragrant.

4. Mix C well in a pot. Add fried ingredients in (3) and mashed steamed yam. Stir well and cook over low heat until the mixture sets.

5. Transfer mixture into a greased baking tin. Stir in fried yam. Press mixture tightly. Use a wet spatula to smoothen the surface.

6. Steam the whole mixture for 45 minutes. Set aside to cool and garnish with red chilli, spring onion and fried shallots.

To serve, I like to cut the cake up into slices and fry the pieces in 2-3tbsp oil until the surface yields patches of crispy brown (because of its floury texture).

Recipe: Indian Fish Head Curry

OK. First and foremost, this dish is not for squeamish English (or otherwise) people. It involves fishing (no pun intended) out fish eyes, lips, cartilage, bones and other icky innards. Er, actually, you have to be able to handle a raw fish head in the first place.

So consider yourself warned.

On the other hand, it is absolutely yummy if you like curry and fish and bold treasure hunts. And in London, the meat is exceedingly cheap to buy. I picked up the above fish head for 1 pound at Furness in Borough Market. They use it for decoration, you see... What you see in the picture is cod. Other recommended fish include threadfin, garoupa, red snapper - call your fishmonger in advance; they usually throw away the offcuts anyway.

Rumour has it that the dish was first invented by the owner of Muthu's Curry in Singapore. They don't really eat fish head curry in India.

(Speaking of which, I'm going to India in August/September as a volunteer at an orphanage in Chennai. Tonight was our first team training evening, and it was exciting just being there and catching the vision. It will be my second trip to India and I didn't realise how much I was looking forward to it! Again, grace dominates my prayers for this trip, so that is definitely something God has put on my heart.)

This recipe is a blend of many sources: Evelyn Liau, Ellice Handy, Sylvia Tan, and my old tastebuds of Singapore.

Indian Fish Head Curry

A very very big casserole, or wok.

1 fish head, cleaned and gills removed.

A - Spices (blend into paste with food processor)
8 candlenuts
60g fish curry powder
1 cup water

OR, if wish to make own curry paste in place of above spice mix, blend in food processor:
8 candlenuts
6 slices galangal
2 stalks lemongrass
1 tbsp peppercorns
1/2" tumeric
3/4 cup shallots
1 small piece belachan (1"x1"x1/2")
1-2 tbsp water (or more if too dry to blend into paste)

B - Juice
40g tamarind paste (assam), mix well with 2 cups water and strain, discarding pulp
2 cups coconut milk, diluted with 2 cups water

Note: If you don't like your curry lemak (i.e. coconutty), exclude the coconut milk and use instead 75g tamarind paste mixed with 4 cups water.

C - Ingredients
3 tbsp oil
1 onion, sliced
6 cloves garlic, chopped
1 1/2" ginger, finely shredded
1/2 tsp mustard seeds
1 tsp fenugreek seeds
6 sprigs curry leaf

D - Vegetables
6 tomatoes, quartered
150g okra
150 aubergines (short variety), quartered lengthwise
3 green chillis, slit halfway

E - Seasoning
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp sugar
2 chicken stock cubes

~ * ~
1. Rub fish head all over with salt. Marinate overnight with 2 tbsps of A, and 3 tbsp of tamarind paste. Microwave on high for 5 minutes before cooking.

2. Heat oil. Fry C (except curry leaves) over moderate heat till fragrant. Add remainder of A and fry till oil bubbles through. Add coconut milk bit by bit. Add remainder of tamarind paste and bring to boil. Stir in curry leaves.

3. Add D and cook until vegetables are tender.

4. Add marinated fish head and cook for 10 minutes over medium fire, turning the fish over halfway.

5. Add E to taste.

Serve with hot steamed white rice.

"Ungrace causes cracks to fissure open... for the resulting chasms of ungrace there is only one remedy: the frail rope-bridge of forgiveness... (But) it is no sweet platonic ideal to be dispersed in the world like air-freshener sprayed from a can. Forgiveness is achingly difficult, and long after you've forgiven, the wound... lives on in memory. Forgiveness is an unnatural act..." ~ Philip Yancey, What's So Amazing About Grace?

"Forgive my trespasses, as I forgive those who trespass against me." ~ the Lord's Prayer

Amazing Grace

Matthew 18:21-35

2005-6 has been the worst year of my life, and also the year that I have known immense grace.

I struggle hugely with the constant reminder each week of why I hurt - just as the healing has begun, the wound opens afresh. I don't know why, seeing that it is all in the past for me now. I guess one can move on, but the pain never goes away; it only perhaps ever diminishes. If only he had said he was sorry, even once.

But each time I feel myself plunging into a frightening darkness that I have never known before, God covers me with His peace that transcends all understanding. It is truly amazing and incomprehensible, and therefore only possible because of grace.

I have known immense grace from friends as well, some of whom I never thought were particularly close, but who have brought into this valley of darkness compassion, wisdom and Light. For them I am truly grateful.

My deepest prayer right now is that I may show the same immense grace to others, especially to the one person who has hurt me so deeply. I desire that very much, because of love. God has led me through faith and surrender; now I find myself at the point of grace. It must be a good place to be, if it is so beautiful to behold from afar. Philip Yancey expresses an unseen truth when he says that all of us are looking for grace, and our imaginations are gripped by even the rumour of it. I know what he means. Sometimes, I can trace a sense of the joy in forgiveness, but only a ghost of it, and it disappears so quickly. But that short glimpse makes me yearn for more of it.

In fact, if the truth be known, I forgave a long time ago.

God Himself forgives me everyday because of this undeserved mercy called grace. Hence I believe it is possible as between men too. Forgiveness is an act of faith. It needs no apology, no reparation, no reason but Christ on the Cross, and carries with it an absolute trust that God is sovereign and just. Writing this, it suddenly occurs to me as well that every tear marks an event of God's amazing grace - the reawakening of a deep yearning for all things true, all things noble, all things right, all things pure, all things lovely, and all things admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. That, surely, is something to give thanks for.

Days late, have not stopped since submitting conference paper. First there was crazy invigilation session on Friday morning (with 4 hours of sleep) and laksa for 80 people in church at night. Then Borough Market this morning, basketball, Thai Olive Rice, prepping for tomorrow's Fish Head Curry (the fish head being another story) and Yam Mooli. Have pics but left camera downstairs. Am going to blowdry hair and zzz now. Update soon!